Originally Published May 10, 2005 -- Your Wellness Guide

Live Guilt Free Through Proper Prioritizing
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For more ideas on how to balance your day:
Are You a Workaholic?  Get Help to Balance Your Life
Simple Living -- New Tools and Trends
Multitasking, Improve Your Focus

Without priorities, you cannot know if taking a vacation right now is the best for you, your family, or your business.  Without items identified as a main concern for today, this week, or this month, it becomes more difficult to successfully make decisions.   Knowing what should be first on your list is a basis for avoiding the workaholic pressure, staying healthy, and keeping your goals (family and business) front and center.

“Prioritizing is a challenging thing for everyone, especially if you are working,” says Life Coach Marta Kagan of Lifeline Coaching in New York.  “You might have any number of goals at once – including family, home, relationships.  There’s always the challenge to say ‘no’ and ‘yes,’ meeting your obligations and responsibilities.  And, you have to consider how does that reconcile with what I want?”

Taking some time off, leaving time for family, scheduling in needed vacations, and adding personal growth projects help you gain the bigger picture perspective and help you better identify priorities.  Kagan recently initiated a mandatory “three weeks on, one week off” schedule for herself and her firm’s employees to force a bigger picture perspective.

Interestingly, priority setting is more an art than a skill.  Anyone can number items 1, 2, 3 to get done, but making sound judgment calls about that order is another matter that often comes only from wise experience. 

Dianna Booher, who wrote Get a Life Without Sacrificing Your Career, says that we often set our priorities based on what we want and our own needs.  But, those needs may not be in line with the needs of a spouse, a child you are caring for, a client, or a boss.  She feels that oftentimes people will set priorities in such a way that by the end of the week they have checked off everything that mattered to them  but not those that counted.  She says that part of priority setting also includes asking “Who do I want to please?”

“You have to ultimately decide who writes you the check or who gives you a sense of accomplishment,” says Booher.  For example, if the boss is happy with your work, then you are going to have an easier time at your job and perhaps get a raise.  If you give your child enough loving attention, then you will likely have a more obedient child and feel satisfied as a parent.  Again, it’s the art of realizing that priorities aren’t just about yourself, rather the big picture.

Los Angeles Therapist Dr. Nancy Irwin says that an easy way to get the big picture view is to ask yourself, if today were my last day on earth, what would I want to do with my time?  All the things that are really important would pop up, like spending time with the kids, your spouse, and other relationships. 

“Try living in domains,” says Dr. Irwin.  “Make a list of all the domains in your life -- work, family, exercise, kids, love.  Block off days and times in your calendar [for these domains] and honor them as if they were as important as a dentist appointment or court date.  Live completely guilt free because you know you have enough time for church, family, and more.”

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