Originally Published July 28, 2003 -- Your Wellness
Guide
Evaluating
Friendships For Emotional Health
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Finding, keeping, and enjoying friends who will support you is
important because this will result
in a fulfillment of your basic emotional needs – to be recognized,
understood, and heard.
I
recently read a Vogue (July 2003) interview with the past
editor in chief of Wired magazine, Katrina Heron, in which
she was quoted as saying the working world reduces “every
relationship to either a worthwhile investment or a waste of time.”
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Even
though her comment focused on a negative corporate environment, I wondered
about her comment on friends as “worthwhile investments.” Why are friends
valuable in keeping our attitude positive and improving our well-being?
Are friends more than just worthwhile investments?
I
spoke with Author Silva Mirzoian,
Jump-Start Your Life: 7 Steps to
waking up from “The Sleep-Walking Mode”, who says that friends
“inspire your steps towards advancement and humor your spirit when you are
sad.”
Originally from
Iraq
and having survived two abusive relationships, the ever-upbeat Silva told
me people come into your life for a reason. And, as you evolve as a
person they become part of a larger group of friends that come with you to
all levels and stages of your life.
Silva
definitely thinks that friends are either a worthwhile investment or a
waste of time. “Both
in the work or personal relationships, there are a select few that are
worth investing the time into and others that should be let go.”
“The (friends) who are constantly draining you, spiritually, emotionally
and at times financially with no returns whatsoever are the ones to let go
of. When a relationship seems like a one-way street, run the other way.”
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Photo: Wellington Media
Find some of your best friends by visiting
with
parents at a soccer game or enjoying other
community activities. |
When
considering where you are going to find a cherished and “healthy”
friend, Cheryl Cran is a motivational speaker who says one place you
rarely find a true friend is at work. Rather, she thinks that
usually the friends we find at work are friends of convenience.
“Call it mentorship or picking someone’s brain, but don’t call it a
friendship.”
Instead, Cheryl told me that all her true friendships are outside of
work. These friends, she says, see life from a more objective point
of view, provide a positive support for her, and are not part of
work politics.
In
learning how to find friends outside of work, Cheryl suggests to
make friends with the parents of your children’s friends, such as at
a soccer game or school function. Or, as adults, take part in
community activities or sports to make new friends. |
With
friendship being the business of childhood, it’s hard to understand how as
adults we can get so wrapped up in ourselves and our work that we don’t
have time for friendships.
But how many
times have you perhaps heard people say that they don’t have time for
friends or don’t have time for more than a certain number of friends. I
think that an attitude like that contributes to what is already an overtly
stressed person.
“It’s good to
have more than one friend,” says Jan Yager, author of
When Friendship
Hurts and
Friendshifts and one of the most knowledgeable
experts in friendships. She offers this self quiz on whether or
not you are in a healthy friendship:
1. Do
you regularly communicate (phone, fax, e-mail, in person)
2. Do
you have fun together?
3.
When you’re together, do you feel connected and appreciated?
4. Is
the relationship reciprocal?
5. Do
you share the same values?
6. Do
you like this friend?
7.
Has your friendship stood the test of time?
8. Is
the conflict with this friend minimal?
If you
answered “no” to any of the above then you should reconsider the
friendship and if it needs work.
Terra
Wellington
is a
national authority on creating a wellness lifestyle.
www.terrawellington.com
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Wellington