Originally Published April 7, 2003 -- Your Wellness
Guide
Communicate Successfully With Your Children
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A
balanced life requires that we have the ability to communicate
effectively and kindly with each other.
If we
have children, being able to successfully communicate with them (not
just to them) is what I consider a life necessity – and,
perhaps, a lifelong endeavor.
We
must teach them, extend our love to them, and resolve potential
conflict using appropriate, respectful words and actions. |
How many
family battles, piercing heartaches, and resulting instability could be
avoided in life with better communication with our children? A lot.
It’s my firm
belief that if parents were more adept at communication skills and problem
solving rather than dictating control, the majority of children would grow
up to be happy, well-adjusted adults.
Yes, even
your society labeled ADHD/ADD children would grow up just fine and be able
to demonstrate acceptable social standards – without conventional drugs.
Our parental
stewardship includes painting a picture of a world that makes sense to our
children so that they can eventually learn to navigate it successfully
without us.
As a result,
this responsibility requires that we continually look for opportunities to
educate ourselves on the necessary skills to raise happy, healthy
children.
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With
the war and international conflicts being overtly played out, it is
an opportunity to dialogue with our children, listen to what they
think, and help them understand the world in which we live.
Childcare Educator and Author Dawn Fry (www.dawntalk.com)
says that it’s good to talk with children openly and positively
about issues that surround them.
When
speaking of the war, Dawn says it’s best to talk about feelings
rather than issues with children, as well as to use simple terms.
“While
it is important to answer children's questions about war, it is
equally important to not give them too much information,” says Dawn.
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Photo: Wellington Media
The media is everywhere in the United States,
making it even more important that parents effectively
communicate with their children about what they see and hear. |
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“Rather than discussing
war on a global level or talking about guns, bombs and killing, it can be
a talk about moral differences and the need to find a way for all people
to be friendly with one another.”
Dawn says
that it’s ideal to give children an optimistic view or “out” so that they
can trust in their future.
When I spoke
to Author Celeste Messer about communicating with children, she had just
returned from four years in Venezuela. She and her family are
re-adjusting to life in the States.
Celeste
writes a popular children’s book series called “The Adventures of Andi
O’Malley” (www.ashleyalan.com)
aimed for children ages 8-12, introducing kids to sensitive, real-life
issues in a way that will help them understand and better appreciate the
world around them.
She told me
from her Texas home that in the U.S. the media is everywhere, and not only
adults but also children see and hear many things.
“The worst
thing you can do is to protect kids,” says Celeste. “It is a reality that
children are exposed to things.”
“Life is
full of subjects that are not pleasant. If you know you’re going to talk
about something in specific, like cancer, suicide, or depression, you as a
parent owe it to your child to make the subject understandable.”
She suggests
finding a fictional book that a child and parent can read together about a
difficult subject.
“This makes
it safer. There’s no emotions and no baggage with it. Children tend to
open up after reading a fictional story, similar to a psychologist with
puppets,” says Celeste.
There are
many resources out there to help us become better parents.
Communicating better with our children is not something that happens
overnight.
It usually
happens one step at a time, such as learning alternatives to constantly
saying “no,” techniques for opening a dialogue, and setting aside 5
minutes more here and there to listen or to teach.
Terra
Wellington
is a
national authority on creating a wellness lifestyle.
www.terrawellington.com
© Copyright Terra
Wellington