Originally Published March 21, 2003 -- Your Wellness
Guide
Special Edition
Book Review:
"Healing The Sensitive Heart"
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When I wrote my
February 24, 2003 column on “Overcoming Childhood Hurt to Thrive,” I
placed only a few queries and received dozens and dozens of
responses from people who had been hurt as a child yet now were
successful.
It was amazing to
me that this subject of being hurt in life touches a strong chord
with almost everyone, especially because many of us think that we’re
alone in our tragedies.
Being hurt,
especially as a child, runs deep. Yet, many of us are survivors;
we’ve overcome tremendous difficulties, especially resulting from
our childhood. |
But,
how many of us are thrivers?
That’s the question posed in Dr. Debra Mandel’s new book called Healing
the Sensitive Heart (Adams Media, January 2003, $10.95).
Mandel says thrivers are those people who recognize there are choices
beyond just surviving.
Thrivers make peace with the past and what they don’t have control over,
says Mandel. They don’t take responsibility for everything, yet own up to
mistakes and learn from them.
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A long-time
advocate for sensitive-hearted souls and a psychologist who
specializes in treating vulnerable people from adolescence through
geriatrics, Mandel’s book introduction says “I’ve discovered that
the important thing is not whether a child was actually mistreated;
what matters is whether the child felt wounded by his
or her circumstances.”
Thankfully,
Mandel is a therapist that realizes that what really matters is our
own perspective and our unique, individual needs. |
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Healing is
focused on Mandel’s definition of a sensitive heart, “not in
the sense of emotional openness but more like the way a bruise is tender –
a spot that’s been hit again and again.”
She
says that people with sensitive hearts have become trapped in toxic
emotional patterns, “continually drawing into their lives individuals who
eventually hurt, disappoint, or frustrate them.”
In
fact, Mandel points out that being a sensitive person, in terms of being
friendly, warm, and open, is not the problem. Rather, it’s the lack of
boundaries and relationship skills that are the problem for the
Mandel-termed “sensitive hearts.”
As
Mandel says “This book isn’t about toughening a bruised or sensitive
heart; openness and vulnerability are vital in creating truly deep
relationships.”
There are many things I liked about Mandel’s book. One in particular is
that she is both empathetic and practical. She doesn’t just say “get over
it and move on.”
In
Healing, you get away from the current, televised broadcasts of
tough-love, in-your-face psychoanalysts.
Instead, the book assists you in cornering issues dead on, while still
building your self-esteem.
Healing the Sensitive Heart
walks you through an 11-step process that takes a caring look at your past
history, current situation, and your future, while teaching you new
skills.
Starting out her process with positives, step one is called “Celebrate
Your Strength.”
Other steps include “Recognize How Unhealed Wounds Have Harmed Your Adult
Relationships,” “Adopt New, Healthy-Hearted Beliefs,” and “Set Boundaries
to Create Healthy-Hearted Relationships.”
While the boundary subject has been talked about before by other speakers
and authors, Mandel’s approach, however, stays focused on her sensitive
heart theme.
And,
instead of trashing most of your life and relationships with boundary
setting, Mandel offers a fresh, mature approach that helps you identify
when you want to be vulnerable (which is necessary in creating meaningful
relationships) and how to monitor situations.
In
summary, I highly recommend Mandel’s book if you have ever felt like your
childhood negatively affects your present life. Her insights will be
refreshing and useful.
Terra
Wellington
is a
national authority on creating a wellness lifestyle.
www.terrawellington.com
© Copyright Terra
Wellington